Communication is the key to connection (read a previous post, Communication: Taking it to a Deeper Level). But just because we communicate, doesn’t mean we connect. Usually, we interact on a practical level: “Pass the potatoes,” “pick Sarah up from school,” “I’m tired.” We make assumptions that the other hears us by how they act [...]
Unfaithful behavior in an intimate relationship can take MANY forms. Typically, we think of "cheating" as sex outside the relationship. But what about an emotional relationship, prolonged emotional involvement with another, flirtations with one or several others, or merely joining a dating/hookup website? Might these behaviors also be considered outside the limits of an exclusive [...]
As human beings, we don’t outgrow our need to be nurtured. Some go so far as to say that connection is the core of human experience (watch Brene Brown). Grown-ups need love and affection, just like babies do. And no matter what age you are, separation from attachment figures (caregivers and intimate partners alike) provokes [...]
For those wondering what the right thing to say is, warning: you might not get it right the first time. And that’s okay. Few people say exactly what they mean on their first try. Open Communication is about ongoing inter-action, and the first step is getting the conversation started. Numerous insidious patterns evolve when the [...]
When intimate relationships begin, every effort is made to get closer to the other; and as it turns out, the sex is great (or so we remember!). Later in relationships, people may find themselves asking, why isn’t sex as exciting as it used to be? The answer may be in our emotional availability. How is [...]
In her book "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic intelligence" Esther Perel writes about "reconciling the domestic and the erotic." For some reason, our society has decided that marriage isn't sexy, and as Perel describes, fantasy sex seems to be waiting at the sidelines of monogamous relationships. The central question I appreciated in her book is [...]
A lot of people are confused by the terms psychologist and psychiatrist, words often used interchangeably. Marriage and Family Therapists (MFT) are a designation of their own. Why and how would you choose a professional is a tricky question. This blog is about just that: how is my work different from that of psychology, and [...]
Even when we try to communicate with the best and kindest intentions, the message often fails to meet the mark. When so much of our communication is indirect (non-verbals, actions, implications, etc.), it’s no wonder we question if the message we sent has landed, and we leave others questioning if we got the message. Try asking, “is this what you mean…?” You may find the feedback saves you the mistake of a misguided assumption, and I hope that a constructive conversation follows.
